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Shakespeare once wrote:
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”
What did he mean? It doesn’t matter. What’s important here is that I started my article with a famous literary reference, making it seem like I know what I’m talking about.
Now to the article.
Names are hard. Just ask people who have recently “made-baby.”
“What do we call him/her?” they exclaim. “Krull? Fantasia?” they shout to no one in particular.
Tougher still, I submit dear reader, is naming a band.
Look at the most famous bands of rock’s great ages.
“The Beatles.” Let’s face it – it’s a lousy band name. They made up for it with things like “astounding talent” and “greatness,” but the name was something people tolerated or got used to at best.
“The Rolling Stones.” Ok. Not bad. Especially when shortened to just “The Stones.” And emblazoned on a jean jacket above the famous John Pasche-designed tongue.
“Led Zeppelin” is not a good name. Yes, it famously came from a quip made by Keith Moon in reference to the possible formation of a super-group that would include John Entwistle, Jimmy Page, Jeff Beck and Keith himself (Keith said, “that would go over like a lead balloon”), but so what. And their logo? A penis-less Icharus? Yikes.
And Black Sabbath? Very Spinal Tap. Too Spinal Tap.
Bands of the 80s gave us names like Duran Duran, Men at Work, Sigue Sigue Sputnick and Martha and the Muffins.
The 90s offered Seven Mary Three, Firehouse, and Hootie and the Blowfish. Names that, if you’re like me, fill you with the overwhelming urge to stab.
Nowadays, we have Arctic Monkeys and The Black Eyed Peas. C’mon.
(And yes. There were good ones too, in every era, but they’re not much fun to write about. Plus they do nothing to support my thesis.)
By now then you must understand my anxiety when AdBands rolls around – I know it’s only November but it’s never too early to panic.
What do I call my band this time?
There are lists-a-plenty online of terrible band names, which can give one a sense of what to avoid. (My friend has a band named Dippin’ Sauz – not on any list I’ve seen, but it should be.) The Onion’s A.V. club compiles a list of terrible names annually – check out those that made the cut in ’08.
Just a note here – this above-mentioned list is not for the squeamish. There are a lot of bad words and swears.
There are a number of band name generators online as well.
A quick search on Bandnamemaker.com yielded “Obnoxious Day of the Fifteen Moron.” I suggest checking it out even if you don’t have a band to name. It’s usually worth one chuckle, if not several. I just got “Undiscovered Prostate.” Awesome.
So. Have I made my decision for AdBands 2010?
Not yet. There are a few I’m considering, including “Killicide,” “Scandalous” and “A Good Cleaning.” (Thanks Mr. Pat Andrews for that gem.)
And while I’m not asking for assistance, I am asking for your patience over the next few months. If I seem distracted during meetings, you now know why. I’m wrestling with this considerable challenge on a daily, if not hourly basis.
Jeff Collins
November 13, 2009 @ 12:52 pm
I got ‘Turkey Placebo’. So, that one is off the market now okay.
Mike Sutton
November 13, 2009 @ 3:32 pm
As is “Schwank Scottish And The Asphalt”…totally off the market. Now I just need to learn to play the bagpipes.
Dave
November 13, 2009 @ 4:55 pm
There’s no learning involved in playing the bagpipes. It’s simply endurance.
David Faris
November 17, 2009 @ 10:47 am
This band name generator is a good idea – maybe with not the best results! Cuban Secret And The Psychopathic Cradle, and Vast Abbey were two of the better (?) results I got…
I thought that band names were pushing the “dubious name” limit in the early ’90s when groups like New Fast Automatic Daffodils, Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine, and Ned’s Atomic Dustbin came on the scene. However, a quick scan of Exclaim! will yield even more ridiculous band names from recent years, such as Shout Out Out Out Out, You Say Party! We Say Die!, DD/MM/YYYY, and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.
Are there any good names left? That is the question.
I think The Ben Weinberg Experience is a good bet!
Rich Pryce-Jones
November 17, 2009 @ 2:07 pm
I got “The Ben Weinbergs”. I think the generator has been sabotaged.