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Big Orange Slide

Wednesday, August 20th, 2014

Grip Limited Acquired By OmniCorp

OmniCom

Grip Limited has come under new ownership. Known for iconic work for brands like Labatt, Honda, and YUM!, the agency believed they were joining the roster of global holding giant OmniCom, who posted profits of 3.9b in 2012. However, due to a clerical error, they have actually become the latest acquisition of OmniCorp — a worldwide leader in the production of sentient, bloodthirsty robots.

“We couldn’t be happier about joining the OmniCorp family,” said visibly distressed founding partner David Crichton. “The technical and digital knowhow that OmniCorp brings to the table is unparalleled in the industry,” Crichton explained between shrieks of pain as a titanium claw tightened around his neck.

President Harvey Carroll was quick to clarify that the agency will still operate under the ethos that made it work. “The day-to-day of the company will remain largely unchanged,” Carroll elaborated as numerous purple crosshairs honed in on the middle of his forehead. “We’re still going to do great work, and put our clients needs first. The only thing that’s different is we’re now under the yoke of a dozen automaton murderers. It’s a real recipe for success.”

Grip Limited’s already robust offerings of digital development, comprehensive print studio and creative/strategic planning have expanded to include thermonuclear drone attacks and armed sentry defense systems.

“We’re hoping to have cybernetic brainwashing in house by fiscal 2014,” Carroll added.

New managing partner PainDroid209 has reportedly already implemented personnel changes — including the hiring of seventeen trillion nanobots and the incineration of 90% of the humanoid workforce.

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